A few months ago, a talented psychic friend of mine did a gallery reading. She's done psychic work for many years, and I know her to be uncannily accurate, extremely loving, filled with integrity, and a credit to lightworkers everywhere. I chatted with her after the gallery reading, telling her how impressed I was with this particular group reading because it seemed something had changed. Where she was really good before, in this reading she was magnificent, authentic, compassionate, and absolutely riveting to watch. She told me she'd had a realization just before the gallery reading. She said, "Even though I've been doing this for years, it hit me. I can do this. I really AM a psychic."
I was surprised this wonderful and accomplished soul who had been doing this work extremely competently for years had only just had such a realization. Yet, I completely understood exactly what she was saying. It took me years to admit, even to myself, I have abilities. I've worked with them openly for probably six or seven years now after spending most of my adult and late teen life in denial because somewhere along the way I absorbed societal conditioning and messages that said, "Psychics aren't real." However, even as I work with my abilities and can retrieve extremely accurate information, I doubt myself. I notice the words coming out of my mouth, I see the looks of recognition on people's faces and hear their words of acknowledgement what I am saying is true, I can frequently verify the information I receive and share by checking historical records, and I still have trouble believing I am psychic, yet it is something that flows out of me readily. My husband Jim often tells people for whom I am about to do some aspect of reading, "Prepare to be amazed." (Way to oversell me!) He is far less skeptical of my abilities than I am. We live in a society that says psychics aren't real; they are either complete shams or completely deluded. Although I am open about my abilities and my work as an intuitive energy healer, among many people I know, it is something not acknowledged openly and certainly never shared. There are people in my life, some I am quite close to, with whom my psychic abilities lie unspoken between us. Whether it is friends, loved ones, or strangers, I frequently encounter attitudes of deep skepticism, outright disbelief, discomfort, or the idea I'm deluded or lying. Others take more of an approach of saying, "Oh that's just Karen," with a wave of their hand and a roll of their eyes as if to indicate I've always been just a little off. I understand the deep skepticism because in spite of my own gifts, I live with my own skepticism. And it's not because I haven't proven my ability to dive deeply and obtain pertinent information that clearly comes from another source. Instead, it's because regardless of the power of my own personal experiences, we live in a society that suggests instead of being a natural gift everyone has, psychic ability is not only not natural, it's not real. It's difficult enough to struggle with these attitudes in myself. In some of my relationships, it's even harder because I feel I am unable to be 100 percent authentic if I wish to maintain them. And if I am 100 percent authentic, the people who don't believe it are forced to choose to view me as either deluded or lying. Neither is conducive to a close, loving, and authentic relationship. And so, because I am who and what I am and as I am unwilling to deny this aspect of myself, which is, indeed, very real, some of my relationships suffer. My wish for the people I love is they can be 100 percent themselves and present in the world as exactly who they are without feeling the need to filter or mask any part of self. And since I am one of the people I love, this is my wish for myself, as well. I cannot stop having these gifts, nor is it authentic for me to deny them. At the same time, I understand how difficult it is for many people to accept I have them given where we are as a society about things such as psychic abilities, energy healing, etc. All I can do is share my experience and say this: It is my choice to walk through this life with integrity, compassion, and unconditional love. It is also my choice to use the gifts and abilities I have received from the Divine in ways that raise the vibration of the planet and bring Light to people with whom I interact. Regardless of anyone else's beliefs in or thoughts about my abilities, I won't change who I am because to do so would be denying an important part of myself and a crucial aspect of my life's path. I am not deluded. I am not lying. I love you and wish to be my authentic self in your presence. However, I will use my gifts regardless of anyone else's belief or lack thereof in them because being psychic is my experience, it is a part of who I am, and I don't believe the universe would've provided me with these gifts if I wasn't meant to use them to try and make our world a better place.
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It's 3:15 AM when one of the dog barks and wakes me up. Oh great, I think. Here we go again - another middle of the night wake-up when I can't get back to sleep. But then something happens. As I lie in bed surrounded by dogs and with Jim snoring gently next to me, instead of fighting to get back to sleep, I realize I am in a warm cocoon of love - surrounded in that moment only by people and creatures I love who love me. There are worse places to be at 3:15 AM, even when you aren't asleep. I allow that love, and I truly feel it there so early in the morning. I float in it, and it is peaceful, warm, and beautiful. My early wake up, then, wasn't an annoyance at all. It was an invitation to experience moments of pure bliss and of the joy of being. On Tuesday and Wednesday of this week, I became aware of severe shoulder pain whenever I moved my arm into a certain position. It was the kind of pain that catches you quickly and takes your breath away, and it made me careful in the way I moved my arm so as not to invoke the pain. Although the pain was still there yesterday morning, I went to my Nia class, figuring I could just be a one-armed dancer for the day. When I got there, however, my painful shoulder invited me to explore movement and seek the pleasure. And so,= throughout class, I gently moved and found the places where my shoulder was not only not in pain, but it actually felt good. By the end of class, my shoulder was pain-free, and I could move it in every direction freely, joyfully, and comfortably. We all have these things that come up in our lives. Some are inconveniences. Some are downright painful. Some are illnesses that linger. Some are relationships that break, people who are mean, bills that are unexpected and difficult to pay, losses of people we love, weather that keeps us from doing what we think we truly want to do, appearance issues that keep us from loving our bodies...the list goes on and on. But what if these things aren't there to make life more difficult and painful? What if they exist and come into our lives as invitations to grow, explore, be, and immerse ourselves more fully in the beauty and joy of life? What if that winter storm that keeps you trapped in the house without electricity is really an invitation to snuggle up with loved ones without distraction? What if that injury or illness is an invitation to slow down, pay attention, and partner with your body in ways that bring about more pleasure and fulfillment, that help you to nourish and nurture yourself, and that allow you to grow in spirit? What if that horribly mean person is really just an invitation to experience yourself as one who forgives and loves unconditionally? What if that 3 AM wake-up from the crying baby, child with a nightmare, or noisy pet is an invitation to experience a moment of pure peace and love with the child or pet when there are no other distractions? What if that world leader who so terrifies you is really offering an invitation to define who you are and what you stand for? Or offering an invitation to find ways to bring more light to the planet? What if that abusive person from your past is actually inviting you to overcome hardship and live in the light? What if that environmental or weather disaster is an invitation to tread more lightly on the Earth and truly connect to a love of the planet? What if the extra weight on your butt and around your middle is there as an invitation to love yourself unconditionally and treat yourself more kindly? The shadows are full of invitations. They exist all around you in every second of every day. They are there, these invitations, in the appropriateness of all things, and it is often in the hardships where the greatest invitations lie. The universe is inviting you to compassionate action, greater peace, more joy, unconditional love, partnership with the planet and your body, deeper connection and faith, and so much more, if only you'll allow it. Are you listening? Sometimes in life, we feel hurt by the actions of others. In fact, sometimes these hurts feel like such betrayal or the pain runs so deeply that we get stuck in our negative emotions about people, places, or events.
I recently experienced such a betrayal in my life. In fact, I experienced two very similar betrayals from people I thought I could trust within a period of a few weeks. I abruptly ended both of those relationships. As I looked back on them from my place of pain and anger, I could suddenly clearly see the red flags that had been waving in my face all along. Knowing that the signs were there the entire time that these people weren’t really my friends made me even angrier – at them, but even more so at myself because I had turned a blind eye and allowed myself to be blindsided. For weeks I struggled with my anger, hurt, and sense of betrayal. I understood these feelings were natural, and I needed to allow myself to experience them instead of quashing them, but as time passed I started to realize something else, as well. Me holding on to those feelings wasn’t harming the people who had hurt me – they couldn’t care less. But holding onto those feelings was hurting me and leaving me in a negative space. It was time to move on. Who Is Forgiveness for Really, Anyway? When I hear many people discuss forgiveness, they describe it as an act they engage in for the good of the person they are forgiving. I think they’ve got it backwards. Forgiveness is never about anyone else but you. When you forgive another, you are freeing yourself from the burden of the pain you have chosen to accept based on the actions or words of another. When you forgive, in essence you are saying, “I choose to no longer accept pain and negativity as a result of your actions.” Abuse, therefore, is about setting yourself free by choosing to no longer allow those past actions to continue to cause pain in your life. I once heard someone explain it thusly to an adult survivor of child abuse who was having trouble forgiving their abuser: “That person stopped beating you and causing you physical pain years ago. You’re the one who is continuing to pick up the stick and beat yourself with it.” It may sound harsh, but it also contains a great truth. Abuse – of any kind – occurs in the moment. When the moment passes, the abuse is over. It’s what we do with it in our hearts and minds that continues that abuse on into our lives, and we become our own abusers. Put Down the Stick We all know forgiveness is something we should do. But often, we are unable to find a path to actually make it happen. I believe much of this arises from the mistaken thought forgiveness is about the other guy, and that by forgiving someone else, you are excusing their behavior or saying what they did was okay. When we look at it that way, it renders it difficult to come to a place where we can let go. Often, we feel like there’s no justice when it comes to how others treat us. The fact they can behave so badly towards us and get away with it feels unjust. But we have no control over the behaviors of others. The only person I can control is me, and the only person you can control is you. Therefore, the first step in forgiving is reframing the definition and intent of the act. It’s important to understand that metaphysically, forgiveness is an act of self-love and self-care. Forgiveness is all about you, and not about the other guy at all. You are forgiving because of the energetic impact it has on you. When you forgive, you are letting go of the hurt and anger and not allowing yourself to move into that vibrational state any longer. Instead, you are making the supremely self-loving choice of putting down the stick you’ve been beating yourself with and allowing yourself to move on with your life, unfettered by negativity. Take Positive Steps While forgiveness can happen in a single moment of choice, more often than not it is a process. Here are some steps to take to help you forgive. 1. Allow yourself the anger and hurt. It’s okay to feel these things in the immediate wake of abuse or betrayal. To quash them and pretend to be happy is being untrue to yourself, so you need to allow these emotions to pass through you. In fact, allowing yourself the full force of the experience helps them to pass more quickly. So in the immediate aftermath of the precipitating incident, do what you’ve got to do. Yell. Scream. Cry. Talk to a supportive friend about your feelings. Write it all out in your journal. Do what it takes to allow yourself the full force of your emotions. 2. But not for too long. Give yourself some time, but realize that at some point, the negativity becomes a destructive force – not towards the other person, but in your psyche. After you’ve allowed the full force of your emotions, start taking tentative steps towards forgiveness. 3. Expect resistance. It’s human nature to want to exact revenge; to want to hold on to your anger and resentment; to want the object of your anger to feel your wrath. So as you start to explore the concept of forgiveness, expect pushback from your ego in the form of a big “HELL NO.” This, too is natural. 4. Forgive yourself first. If we’re being completely honest, when we are betrayed or hurt by another, we always turn on ourselves at least a little. We seek to blame ourselves for the incident that has arisen. We blame ourselves for feeling angry when we should be positive. We blame ourselves for trusting. Therefore, before you can let go of your anger towards another, you must first let go of your anger towards yourself. Surround yourself with the light of love and treat yourselves kindly. 5. Love yourself. Since forgiveness is always an act of self-love, it’s important to remember as you work your way towards forgiveness that you are doing this for you – so that you can be free and move forward in your life. Forgiveness always starts from a place of self love. 6. Look for the lessons you’ve learned. In every act of betrayal, every time we are hurt, every time we are angered – there is a lesson there. So when you’re ready, look at the lessons you have learned from the acts that require forgiveness. Somewhere in there is a tiny kernel of light for you if you are willing to find it. Once you do, even though it’s hard, experiment with gratitude for the lesson you learned or the positive changes it has brought about in your life. Help for Forgiveness Forgiveness is a deeply personal act, and we all go about letting go in our own way. However, there are some things you can try to help assist you as you seek to forgive yourself and others.
Do It for You Forgiving another is the ultimate act of self love. It sets you free and allows you to move on with your life without dwelling in negativity. It's natural to have a strong emotional reaction to a toxic person or event. Unfortunately, what often happens is the strength of the emotion attached to the person or the event creates energetic ties that grow stronger every time you revisit how you feel. This can (and often does) become a series of looping thoughts that keep us energetically connected to the toxicity. And the more energy we give to that person or event, the more deeply ingrained the toxic energetic pattern grown in us. We create energetic ties that can be harmful to us. I'm not suggesting you don't react emotionally to painful events, toxic people, negativity, or betrayals. You're not robots - you feel how you feel. It's natural and even beneficial to experience a range of emotions in relation to negative events or people. Allow yourself to feel them fully. However, when you keep revisiting these emotions weeks or months after the relationship or event has ended, you are building energetic ties to negativity. For your own self preservation, it's important to detach yourself from that energy just as soon as is humanly possible. So how does one detach from these negative feelings?
If the world - or any aspect of your life - seems cloaked in darkness, there's something important to remember. You have the Light inside of you. It goes with you everywhere and when you walk in that Light, you illuminate even the darkest of corners of the universe.
Sometimes we forget who we are, and we think we are surrounded by darkness until something reminds us once again that we are beacons of Light. This is your friendly reminder. You are the Light. It's what we call came here to do - to be the Light. It is our sole purpose and our soul purpose. You take the Light with you wherever you go, and all you have to do is choose to activate it to make it shine all around you. Forgiveness sets you free. It's something I work on every day - choosing to let go of anger, hurt, pain I feel others have caused me. Intellectually, I realize nobody has caused the pain - I'm choosing it. Sometimes it takes a bit longer for the heart and emotions to respond but with work, I always get there eventually.
I can't remember who I heard say it, but this has always stuck with me. It was spoken to an adult survivor of child abuse, and I'll paraphrase here - "Your abuser stopped beating you years ago, but every day you're choosing to pick up the stick and continuing to beat yourself." Are you continuing to beat yourself with a stick that someone else put down long ago? I'll say it again. Forgiveness sets you free. Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to allow a destructive person back in your life, but it does mean you release them from the destructive ties that are binding you. You can step away with love. Here are some tools to help in the process:
I also realized this makes me a bit of a hypocrite. You see, I've always been a pretty strong advocate for body positivity. I taught my children that looks are not what's important, but what's inside matters a whole lot. Not blood, organs, and guts, mind you, but who we are as human beings. And while always holding that position and sharing it with others, I still carefully attempted to control the image I presented to the world. Curious to see if I was onto something, I scrolled through my Facebook and Twitter profile pictures. Only a few of the shots were candids, and those were images I'd carefully selected because I didn't think I looked too bad in them. The rest were thoughtfully curated selfies or professional portraits that showed me at what I considered my absolute best available in the moment I chose them. For years, I refused to share images of myself because I was unhappy with my weight and appearance. I spent most of my adult life obese, but the images I shared seldom reflected that. And when others shared candid photos of me, I always winced a little when I looked at them. Part of me wanted to delete them. The other part wanted to write a caption with a disclaimer noting, "On the inside, I'm nothing like I look in this photo," or perhaps, "Warning! Objects in photo may appear larger than they actually are!" It's easy to pay lip service to loving what's on the inside and not giving much credence to physical appearance but often harder in practice. And I know I truly believe this to be so: Who we are as compassionate and loving humans is far more important than how we look, period. But secretly, I think I've always believed that to be true for everyone else, but not for me. I've had the hidden fear that if people really paid attention to how I looked, they would reject me regardless of how amazing my technicolor insides were. So, even though people saw me in everyday life looking how I looked for better or for worse, when they saw online photos of me, I was damn well going to make sure they saw me with my best foot forward on the off chance that made them love me a little bit more. What wasted time. What wasted effort. Lately, I've been cultivating flow and authenticity in my life. But it's hard to enter flow when we have dialogues cluttering our minds that include negative self-talk about how we look. It's difficult to live in the moment when the voice in our head natters on about our faults. And it's nearly impossible to be our most authentic selves when we allow that voice to convince us that we must control how others see us because we are somehow not worthy if we don't appear perfect on the outside. And so this morning, fresh from my shower engaged in one of my favorite activities (cooking), I entered a flow state where I was my most authentic self. I felt present, happy, and in the moment. I danced around my kitchen, humming to myself and enjoying the aroma of bacon (because hello - BACON!). In that moment, I didn't care how I looked - I cared how I felt. After I stepped out of that flow, I basked in the glow of authenticity. And then, wanting to capture that moment of being who I truly was, I snapped another selfie. I wasn't wearing makeup. My hair was a mess. But I was peaceful and content, and I had no need to control anyone's perception of who I was. Next, I started to think about how many of us are caught up in presenting an image to the world that may have very little to do with who we are on the inside. We share that in selfies we think make us look pretty good, in pithy but amusing posts on social media, in the stories we tell others about ourselves, and by acting in ways we feel are socially acceptable, regardless of what we truly long to do (I can't tell you how many times I want to start dancing in the grocery store but am stopped because I don't want to freak out the people around me and be labeled a weirdo). We seldom share truly authentic moments of ourselves because to do so feels risky. Being our true selves feels frightening. Sharing less than perfect images feels scary. Owning up to our own insecurities, hypocricies, and vulnerabilities feels downright terrifying. Yet, it is only when we stop curating the images we share with the world and are our most authentic selves that we can step into the flow and fully engage in life. And so, I present to you my moment this morning in my kitchen when I was feeling grounded, joyful, and at peace. I wasn't wearing makeup. My hair was a mess. But in that moment, I was beautiful, regardless of how I look in the photo. Ladies and gentlemen, I offer you the real me. She's a pretty cool chick who looks forward to meeting the authentic you. Another morning where we've awakened to news of a terrible attack - this time a mass shooting in a Florida nightclub with 50 dead so far. For just a moment when we hear, we each are our truest selves - drawing a collective intake of breath and feeing compassion. Yet we never stay in that moment for long. Instead, as we exhale, we're already allowing the noise to creep in: the relief it isn't us or someone we love; the fear that yells, "How did this happen and how do we stop it?"; the anger that seeks someone to blame.
Within hours, the noise has extended outside of us to the world at large. It becomes about punditry. Making news. Political careers. Agendas. Greed. Power. Within days, we have forgotten that initial draw towards compassion as we passionately argue about why it happens, who to hate, who to blame, and toss about meaningless ideas to fix it. In the next weeks, we will hear so many stories surrounding this horror...guns are to blame! Ban all guns and hate the gun nuts! It's another false flag operation set up by liberals and enacted by actors to make sure guns are banned! It happened in a gay night club - surely God is telling us that we must put an end to the gay agenda! It was a right wing religious nut with a vaguely Islamic sounding name - we must immediately close our borders and keep a sharp eye on religion, which is clearly the devil! Politicians will pose. Activists, lobbying groups, and PACs will use it to further their agenda. Corporations will use it to instill fear so you'll buy their shit. News outlets will crow loudly to boost ratings. Pundits will push their own agendas, hoping to gain attention and further their own careers. And people will argue passionately - whether in person or on social media - cherry picking the facts that support whatever positions they choose to hold. Meanwhile, lost in all that noise will be that moment when we heard when, for a split second, we remembered that we were all human, and we felt an emotion rising from love: we felt compassion. Here's the one thing we probably won't think or say, and it's probably the thing we really should say when things like this keep happening. We are doing this. We, as humanity, are all responsible. Whenever we believe our ideology is better or "righter" than someone else's, we are doing this. Whenever we see ourselves as separate from others and look for otherness as opposed to oneness, we are doing this. When we refuse to take accountability for our own actions (and boy do we do this), we are doing this. When we point the finger of blame, we are doing this. When we don't teach our children how to be accountable, we are doing this. When we choose societal structures based upon economics, income, profits, and materialism, we are doing this. When we choose as economic and social policy to ignore the dignity and needs of the most vulnerable in our societies while the rich and powerful grow obscenely wealthy, we are doing this. When we marginalize any group within society because we are uncomfortable with the color of their skin, their nation of origin, their religion, their gender identity, their sexual preference, their economic and social station, or any other of the hundreds of reasons, we are doing this. When we pass a homeless person on the street and feel disgust, we are doing this. When we feel morally superior to others, we are doing this. When we fail to recognize the basic humanness of every person we encounter, we are doing this. When we fail to find ways to see the spark of Divine in every living creature, we are doing this. When we justify our own choices, we are doing this. When we model that behavior for our children - the greed, the justification of our choices, the sense of entitlement we all feel, we are doing this. When the pursuit of stuff and wealth becomes a driving force in our lives; when we believe our religious or spiritual ideology is the right way and everyone else is wrong; when we get so entrenched in our politics that we lose any modicum of common sense; when we live in fear instead of love; when we choose anger or fear; when we take the attitude of "I've got mine - it's up to you to get yours;" when we believe that we, alone, are more special than everyone else; when we treat mental illness as something shameful instead of seeking to help; when we have created a world and a society so unhappy that people escape into addictions, and we don't reach out to help; when we see children being abused and neglected and turn a blind eye; when we don't recognize that the person standing behind us in the checkout line at the grocery store has the same spark of Divinity we do; when we choose punishment over rehabilitation; when we exist in dogmatic belief without open minds; when we focus on those things that divide us and make us different instead of honoring those things that unite us; when we choose darkness over light; when we forget to ask ourselves, "What would love do now?" and slip into fear; when we allow others to live in isolation; when we let others pull us headlong into fear; when we're more interested in our smartphones than the people we supposedly love who are sitting right across the table from us; when we engage in passionless pursuits to fill the time instead of doing what makes our souls sing; when we fail to ask ourselves where our personal responsibility lies...we are doing this. When 9/11 occurred, there was a moment of unity, when we paused and recognized our oneness. And then the noise started, and within weeks we'd returned to business as usual. Companies profited, politicians gained power, news outlets got attention, and the average guy was left sadder, angrier, more frightened, and even further from the oneness. We had an opportunity for change, and we collectively made a different choice. With tragedies come the opportunity for us to recognize ourselves and each other, but the moment passes and we return to our electronic devices and our busy lives, only making cursory glances backwards when it suits our own purposes. And those who lost loved ones or sacrificed their lives? After some noise, we return to ignoring the opportunities that arose for humanity from their sacrifices. I don't mean to minimize the loss of life and the tremendous grief and pain of loved ones - only to bring attention to the fact that this great loss of life could be a turning point for humanity, if only we allowed it to be. And I can see no better way to honor someone's sacrifice than to truly live more meaningful lives as a species in the wake of their deaths. In my blogs, books, and classes, I often speak of the universal two-by-four...the times the universe clocks us firmly upside the head and says, "Pay attention, idiot!" I believe if we fail to listen to the calling of our souls, then this is what happens. We get the universal two-by-four whacking us upside the head and saying, "Let's see you fail to pay attention to this, buddy." It happens on an individual level, and I also believe it happens within communities, societies, and even worldwide. The universal two-by-four is almost always painful. In fact, it hurts like hell. But with a little self-examination, we can find ways to take these wake up calls and engage them as a force for positive change in our lives. And while each of us is just one tiny soul in a vast sea of souls that inhabit this universe, we can each choose individually to start to turn things around: to see all souls as being one with us; to allow others to walk their paths peacefully without trying to force our own ideals and beliefs upon them; to acknowledge the divinity in every soul; to respond with love and compassion instead of fear; to take responsibility for our own shit and to model and teach that behavior to our children; to stop seeing ourselves as better than any other soul walking the earth; to pursue things that really matter in life, such as love, compassion, joy, creativity, and beauty instead of meaningless stuff; to recognize our own shortcomings and lovingly work on improving them; to stop complacently allowing the noise to rise to a fever pitch as politicians, companies, media, PACs, and other groups try to manipulate us for their own gain; and to ask ourselves, "What would love do now," and then act on it. It's not about guns. It's not about sexual identity, gender identity, race, personal belief systems, religion, dogma, national pride, or anything else. Those are all artifacts of fear, and as long as we continue to allow ourselves to live within that system of fear, these things will keep happening. Banning guns won't fix it. Forcing people to share our religious ideologies won't fix it. And certainly, flapping our gums about it won't fix it. What will? Choosing love. Every moment of every day. Which is really hard when you think about it, what with all the fear flying around. I know it's hard for me, and I often catch myself caught up in fear again, having to remind myself I came here to love. But we can do our best. We can pause as often as possible and ask ourselves a simple question, "What would love do now?" And then, we can slowly turn that into a habit - catching ourselves when the fear creeps in and reminding ourselves to act with love, instead. We can start to see our fellow humans as the same as us - instead of fearing how different they are. We can acknowledge their spark of Divinity and act with every person as if they were, as we are, the embodiment of Divinity. We can stop contributing to the fear-based culture of anger, greed, and judgment and humbly walk our paths alongside others, whose paths may be very different than our own but no less valid. And when our paths cross, we can respond with love and recognize the Divinity of both self and other. Maybe then, the universal two-by-four can stop whacking us upside the head in such a painful way. I used to work in marketing so I know branding, and I know it really well. In fact, I'm pretty darned versed in all kinds of marketing-speak and advertising concepts. When I started in corporate America many years ago as a Marketing Communications Specialist, I was just thrilled someone would pay me to write. It didn't matter what I was writing - I was happy to be doing it for a living. And then over the years, it slowly dawned on me...the writing wasn't giving me much joy any longer. I hated my job.
So, I left corporate marketing behind eight years ago in pursuit of my bliss. I realized I was miserable writing branding messages for things that didn't support better health, wellness, happiness, connectedness, joy, or anything else that particularly benefitted humanity or mattered to me. I was burnt out on corporate America, and I truly wanted to use my gifts and talents in a way that nurtured my spirit and helped humanity. I became a freelance writer. What I discovered is that even as my own boss, the economics of the situation demanded I write marketing materials for corporations from time to time - at least until I developed a grouping of projects that allowed me to write in ways that gave me warm fuzzies and made me feel like I was somehow making a positive difference in the world. Eight years is a long time (and also the blink of an eye), and in that period, I gradually shifted the mix of what I write and who I write for. After eight years, I am truly overjoyed the writing I do now meets my criteria for the perfect job:
This became obvious to me recently when one of my publishers took a look at some of my personal profiles, social media, websites, etc., and noted my bio and profile was all over the place. She wasn't wrong - it is all over the place, but then so am I. As an author and writer, personal branding is important because I want people to read my books and articles. And, even with my years of experience in marketing, when it comes to myself, I'm terrible at personal branding. It isn't because I don't know how to create and communicate an effective brand, however. And it's not because I don't know who I am. It's because I have trouble identifying myself as a brand. Labeling myself in that way feels too limiting. To build a personal brand, I have to focus on a niche or subject matter and continue writing and working in that area. And I've done that to some extent. Part of my personal brand is the cooking, food, health, and diet work I do, writing health-based articles, cookbooks, nutrition books, and more. And the other part of my personal brand is the paranormal, spiritual, metaphysical, and energy healing work, which includes writing books, teaching classes, and more. The problem is this: When I try to mix both branding messages into one place, my marketing message gets watered down and populations interested in either topic are confused and wondering if they have the right person. I get it, I really do. A personal brand is a clear, concise message about who you are and the work you do. In this branding message, you want to clearly communicate what people can expect from you and your work. But to me, having a personal brand feels limiting, confining, and as if I will be stuck for the rest of my life finding just one way to use my gifts and talents to help others. The solution I settled upon with my publisher was to have two distinct presences - both under my name (if only I'd thought of a pen name years ago). After all, Karen Frazier is not an uncommon name, right? One presence would focus on the health, wellness, diet, nutrition, and cooking. The other would focus on the paranormal, spiritual, energy healing, and metaphysical. And never shall the two meet. Except. Except. Except. In me, health, wellness, diet, nutrition, and cooking are all interconnected with spiritual, energy healing, and metaphysical. There is infinite cross-over between these areas. I know this because they intersect seamlessly in me. In my life, I can't separate one from the other because they are all part of the wholeness that makes up the very fiber of who I am. So to parse out these very important aspects of me into separate entities feels unnatural and untrue. Likewise, I feel like if I settle on a personal brand (or two), I won't be able to include something else when I discover some new shiny object I'm excited about that I want to incorporate into my work and writing. Barbara Sher wrote about people like me in her book Refuse to Choose, which is about a certain personality type called Scanners, people who are endlessly curious about and fascinated by - well, just about everything. As someone who went from major to major in college as I took my next fascinating class, who has had dozens (if not hundreds) of hobbies and interests over the years, and who wants to learn pretty much everything, settling on one - or even two - personal brands feels more than a little limiting. But for now, I'll stick with my brands, branching out little by little as my interests and energies widen. From a business perspective, it's the smart thing to do. From a personal perspective, I don't have to allow my brands to define me, even if they only reflect a tiny fraction of who I am. Because ultimately, even if I have to have a dozen different personal brands, I plan to keep writing about things that matter to me and help others regardless of whether they fit within a narrow identity I've established to get people to read my work. We all live the stories we tell ourselves. We can’t help but do so. Our every thought, choice, action, and experience is driven by such narratives. In most cases, we don’t understand we’re living out these fairy tales, because we don’t realize they exist. The problem is that we don’t recognize we’re living in a fable based on false beliefs that causes limitations in our lives, keeping us from becoming the most beautiful expression of who we truly are. My life has been a series of stories. While the tales have grown grander and more complex as I’ve expanded my understanding of the universe, they still have served to limit my definition of who I am, as well as my belief in my own capabilities. When I was born I had no such stories. I came into the world knowing exactly who and what I was. But then I forgot, just as we all do. The forgetting wasn’t instantaneous. It happened gradually as I took the inevitable journey virtually all humans take from soul to ego. In the beginning, I knew no fables. Instead, I experienced the world through the mythology of others. Soon, however, their truth about me became my own, and the true glory of my being dissolved from my memory. It faded like a sepia photograph packed away in a forgotten drawer. This is the path humans take as we explore our lives in the physical plane. We come fully enlightened, knowing that we will be slowly conditioned to forget. Once our true nature slips completely from our memories, we function within a new, limited and false view of who we are. In our forgetting, we completely believe our own personal mythology. We drift through at least part of our life awash in the trappings of the ego, bowing before the false gods of power, human knowledge, and consumerism. We create drama, outrages, joys, fears, and sorrows without realizing they are merely illusions of separation. While we create these phantasms, the spark of who we truly are remains locked away in a hidden tower with sturdy walls that holds the secret drawer containing a faded photograph waiting to come to life in full vibrant color once more. All it takes is a single moment to spark remembrance. Then, that first nascent flicker reveals as false a tiny part of the wall of ego we’ve built. The flicker becomes a single flame, and then a raging inferno. In the brightness of the flames, we can suddenly see that the walls we’ve constructed to prop up our “personality” are nothing more than illusions that have little to do with who and what we truly are. It is then that we can begin the process of remembering that our essence is love, and that everything else is nothing more than a myth. |
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